July 7, 2010:
38 weeks 5 days; 64 days of life!

Things have been interesting that's for sure! With my last posting I described how Ryan was coming home to us. Well, he has been with us and really is a good baby. I really shouldn't brag to jinx us--but it's true. Kris and I have been so happy to have at least one of the babies home with us. I guess it's a good way to "break us in" to the idea of having two at once.

The first week seemed to be the most painful. I dove in to the motherly responsibilities waking and participating in all feedings. I had to learn to ask for help from my husband as I was starting to get fried. I wanted to make sure everything was done the same way as it was in the hospital, but have learned you do the best you can. I was a mess initially--checking on Ryan it seemed like every 15 minutes to make sure his position was ok and he was breathing, temperature was just right. Ugh! I am really glad that I have such a strong and supportive husband that can easily tell me to relax and let the baby be. My nerves were a mess and I wasn't sleeping the best. We had Ryan in a pack n play in our bedroom, which worked for the first few nights....but as he still is in the grunting and groaning phase of the preemie world (they grow out of this eventually as it has to do with their neurological development)... sleep was very scattered and light. I have great news that he is able to sleep in his crib (with the help of a baby monitor) just fine. Imagine that. Alot of encouragement from my husband to get the baby into his own crib and not take over our bedroom! Well, I've survived with him a room away so far.

I guess I've learned the most about myself through all of this. 1.My husband makes a great father-Ryan loves his warm big hands on him and his long chest to rest on. He can easily feed, burp, diaper change as I can--take advantage! 2.I need to relax. 3. Nap when the baby naps. 4. Get some sunshine 5. Allow husband to watch baby while you run errands, go for a jog,etc. If you can do it, so can he. 6.Laundry never seems to end with a baby. 7. The baby swing with music was one of the best gifts--Ryan calms and falls asleep so easily. 8. Establish a day/night routine. Kris installed nightlights all over the condo so there is enough light at night to make bottles, feed, and not trip and fall. Baby needs to know he should eat and sleep-no play time no matter how cute he looks. 9. Make all nighttime bottles up before you go to bed so preparation is simple when you can hardly keep your eyes open during the dead of night. 10. It's ok to let the baby cry. (well for a little bit). 11. Little boys have special parts that need to be covered with diaper changes-keep it wrapped!

As far as Nathan goes, he remains in the hospital. Why? Well, we have discussed his chronic lung disease (it's very stable on the whiff of oxygen), this creates problems in the feeding department. He poops out quite easily, therefore his "feeds" are not up to par. They will attempt to "nipple" him, then gavage the rest of his feeds. This is the ONLY thing that is keeping him there. As it is quite exhausting to care for one baby at home, then lug all of the baby crap and drive to the hospital daily, I've become quite frustrated. I had a meeting with the neonatologist in regards to Nathan's care. I don't have forever for my maternity leave. I can perform the same nursing duties they are doing at the hospital right here at home. Nathan has been started on another burst of Lasix (diuretics) every other day to pull fluid off to ease his breathing. I have seen a one eighty degree change as he is more interactive, alert, and eats better. It appears to me that the doctor had given up on him and just wanted him to lie in the hospital crib for another 2-3 weeks (yes she told me this). I told her I would do his nursing cares and nourish him at home in a loving environment near his brother. Well, she has acquiesed and the expectation is to have him home by the weekend, early next week. She hasn't seen a dramatic increase in his feeds, so she equates this to the medicine isn't working. I believe it has. I see Nathan daily and I know what is normal and what is not. I don't mean to step on a doctor's toes, but sometimes you have to go with your gut impression and know that you can do something better yourself. I truly believe that I can help Nathan at home. If I have to tube feed him, I will. I will give him diuretics, watch his monitor for signs of respiratory distress, and do my best. Her comment (the doc's) to me was--"Well, when he starts to lose weight at home, I guess you can just bring him back here to the ICU." Wow! With that kind of an attitude, how does any infant have a chance if you don't believe in him? So, the two will hopefully be together at home soon. I will put on my nursing hat and use my experience to care for him and give him what he needs-love. Something you can't order and give in the hospital setting.