Slow progress

May 17, 2010:
31 weeks and 3 days.
The days seem to s-l-o-w-l-y pass by. My life has formed a very specific routine with my home and hospital life. Hospital staff have become like friends and family. (We know what nurses we prefer to care for them over others).
I can say that missing them never seems to go away or get any easier. Every day that is spent together with them makes it increasingly difficult to pull apart when I force myself to leave.

Our boys have been doing quite well. Their current weights are: Ryan 2# 13 oz and Nathan 2# 8oz. It's amazing how a poop can move them down in weight by half or a full ounce! They remain the same on their nasal cannulas (oxygen) and have been tolerating their feedings just fine with no aspirates (undigested food). There always seems to be some fine tuning with them whether it's something new with their labs, heartrates, or oxygenation status. Sometimes I have to hold my breath long enough to know that this or that will pass. It seems like there is always a lingering worry about something else that might pop up. I'm sure it is something that will pester me forever with newborns and then into older ages.
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As Kris will be gone all of this week, I was on my own today--double duty! I was able to bathe both of them in their mini swaddle tub baths, hold them, feed them, and read "The Cat in the Hat," a classic! Watching their eyes open and listening to my voice, then slowly drift off and fall asleep was perfect.

I had my 2 week incision check today and given permission to return to work next week. I actually drove as well (myself) after what-1.5 or 2 months off from driving? I've started taking small trips to stores (ah-to get out again!) and managed to sit outside in the sun today and read (gotta get that Vitamin D!) It's nice to be able to do things for myself again. I'm sure Kris is glad that he doesn't have to wash dishes, do laundry, and manage some of the other household chores that he doesn't like doing. As much as I get a little teary eyed at times about some things, I'm okay with where things currently are at. I have a renewed sense of appreciating life and the ability to walk, perform daily activities, and be independent. Sometimes in life I forget how some people aren't ever able to do those things. Not having daily contractions and discomfort is really nice as well. I can suck it up and do the frequent pumping withour complaint. That is nothing compared to what I have been through! It's amazing to me how some days I miss being pregnant. It is so nice to see their beautiful faces and personalities, but, I miss feeling them kick inside me and knowing that they are there inside and with me. Perhaps this all goes back to them being at the hospital instead of our home? (I also got a little jipped out of the pregnancy diet with eating whatever I wanted at all times!) Oh well. The pregnancy weight is slowly shedding. In fact, I was able to put on a pair of "normal" pants today--just a tad on the tight side of things (but I am only 2 weeks postpartum and gained only 30# due to the pregnancy being cut off way too early.)

As miserable as I was on bedrest, I sometimes fall somewhat short in grieving over how fast everything ended. I try to remember the water breaking, mild cramping to full blown labor all in a matter of hours to an emergent cesarian section and soon after dilaudid drip started causing me to be partially sedated and out of it. But, those are feelings that come and go--they don't stay around for too long. I now look forward to getting up each day and making the trip to the hospital to see our adorable boys. They make me smile and laugh over the smallest things making everything throughout the pregnancy a distant blur.

Members of our church have been very generous providing us with meals three times a week. I can't express how helpful and nice that has been for us. Something so small as a good homecooked meal, when you are exhausted from being in the hospital all day and have no energy left for supper is a wonderful thing. We are definitely going to give back and help others as well in the future. This very small thing has been somewhat of a lifesaver for us by allowing us to have a meal together and give us the ability to relax at the end of the day,when we are so worn out. We thank our blessings everyday.....